My Friend the Doctor
by sienna27
Summary: Universe A: Offshoot - Reid'centric stories - The first two chapters were pulled out of the H/P story Life & Such. This will be on-going.
1. The Highlander

**Author's Note:** This is an offshoot of Universe A of _Falling in Love with a Girl._ You don't need to read any of that to read these. I just decided to break out these two Reid'centric chapters from my H/P story _Life & Such_ and make them their own separate story. I thought more people might end up reading them as Reid pieces. So again, if you've read Life & Such, these two chapters will sound very familiar because you probably already read them :)

And I picked the story title so that I can continue to add to it if more Reid ideas come to me.

* * *

**Prompt Set #1**

Show: Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Title Challenge: The Pom Pom Incident

* * *

**The Highlander**

"Reid, what the hell are you wearing?"

Hearing Morgan's obvious disdain for his outfit, Spencer looked over at him indignantly.

"I cleared it with Hotch."

Dumbfounded, Derek dropped his bag on his desk and walked over to Reid's area.

"I didn't _ask_ if you cleared it with Hotch," he said as he motioned for him to stand up, "I _asked _what the HELL you were wearing?"

Huffing in annoyance, Spencer rose to his feet.

"It's William Wallace Day, and because I'm just doing paperwork, AND, I brought a change of clothes if we have to go anywhere, Hotch told me that it was all right if I wore the traditional Scottish garb."

Derek just stared at him. "And the pom poms?"

Spencer frowned as he reached down to finger them, "what about them? They're part of the kilt."

Throwing his hands up in the air, Morgan blew out a huff of air, "okay man, your funeral."

Sometimes, he had no idea what planet that kid was born on.

Reid scowled indignantly as he put his hands on his hips. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It MEANS," Derek said as he crossed back over to his desk and sat down, "you're walking around the freaking FBI in a freaking skirt. You're asking to get your ass kicked."

Then Derek snorted as he started up his computer, "you should go down to the gym and see if anyone wants to spar."

Then the horrifying thought came to him that he didn't know what Reid was wearing under the kilt.

His head snapped back as he shook his head violently.

"On second thought don't, don't do that."

Reid rolled his eyes, but before he could respond verbally, he froze.

"Oh baby nice legs!"

He spun around to find Emily walking up behind him with a huge grin on her face.

"Do you know how many years I've been waiting to throw that line back in a guy's face?"

For a second, Reid started to glare at her, but then she came closer. And with a soft smile she patted his arm.

"I'm just joking hon, you look great."

Reid shot Derek a look as he responded, "thank you EMILY." Then he turned back to her, "you know some people think I look ridiculous."

Emily's mouth twitched as she raised her eyebrow at Morgan.

"Well obviously _some_ people just aren't secure enough in their masculinity to wear traditional Scottish garb on William Wallace Day."

Morgan rolled his eyes back at her as Reid's face lit up, "you know what day it is?"

She started digging in her bag, "of course, and I bought you a present in honor of your heritage."

A split second later . . . with a flourish . . . she pulled out a red box of butter cookies from the depths of her purse.

"Here you go." She quirked her lip up, "I figured it would travel better than haggis."

Reid accepted the cookies with a grin, "thanks Em." He looked up, "I was just going to go get some coffee, you want me to get you a cup and we can break open the cookies for breakfast."

Emily started to chuckle as she went over to her desk. "That sounds great Spencer," she said as she pulled out her chair, "thanks."

And still laughing to herself, she watched Reid walk out with his pom poms flopping in the breeze. Then she looked up to see Morgan eyeing her suspiciously. Her eyebrow went up.

"What?"

He furrowed his brow, "did you really know it was William Wallace Day?"

"Of course," she huffed indignantly. Then she grinned, "well, I did after Hotch got the call from Reid last night asking if he could wear his kilt to work."

Shaking his head at her, Morgan turned back to his paperwork.

Emily scowled as she looked down at her desk to find something to throw at Derek's head. There . . . that elastic will do nicely. She shot it over the partition hitting him on the forehead.

"You be nice to him today," she commanded as his head snapped back, "he looks adorable."

With one hand rubbing the sore spot on his forehead Morgan, looked over at Emily in exasperation.

"I JUST got the boy out of those damn sweater vests and you want to go dress him up in a skirt."

The woman was NO help to him at all!

"It's not a skirt Morgan," Emily rolled her eyes, "it's a kilt. For God's sake men have fought BATTLES in them for centuries!" Then she scowled, "and besides there's nothing wrong with wearing skirts either. I once tackled a perp out in Chicago wearing a lovely A line."

Derek knew better than to comment on that one, so he turned his attention back to his paperwork.

A few minutes later, he looked up as he heard Reid come back to their desks. First he put a coffee cup down on Emily's desk, and then one on his own. And then . . . holding a third cup . . . he looked over at Morgan.

As Derek reached his hand out to take it, Reid pulled it back triumphantly.

"No, it's not for you. I bought it for Hotch as a thank you. So there."

Emily started laughing and Derek snapped his jaw shut.

"Yeah," he replied in a monotone, "good one. you really nailed me there kid."

Reid just shot Derek a look of satisfaction. He knew he'd caused him some momentary annoyance, and that was enough for him. So with that, he turned to head up the stairs to Hotch's office, pausing at the top to knock on the open door.

"Hotch."

Hotch looked up, and quickly had to school his features as he saw Reid standing in his doorway. He was wearing the kilt that he'd called last night for permission to wear to the office. He had to hand it to the kid, he didn't know too many guys who'd have the balls to wear something like that to work.

Especially _their_ work.

He tipped is head in admiration. "That is a very traditional outfit Spencer."

"Thanks sir," Reid said with a little smile as he walked closer. Then he put the Styrofoam cup down on his desk.

"I bought you a coffee as a thanks for letting me wear it."

Hotch's expression softened as he looked down at the cup and then back up to Reid's happy face.

"You're welcome." Then his expression hardened, "is Derek giving you a hard time?"

As he thought for a second, Reid tilted his head to the side. "A little bit but not too bad. Emily gave him some crap and he hasn't really said anything to me since."

Hotch's eyes crinkled slightly . . . that's my girl. Then he nodded. "Well you let me know if you have any trouble with anyone else."

Reid's lips twitched as he nodded back, "thanks Hotch."

He couldn't really go running to his boss if people were mean to him, he'd kind of deserve to get his ass kicked if he did, but it was nice of him to offer.

He turned to go, but then paused as he heard Hotch clear his throat.

"Oh and Reid, you might want to stay out of the quad today. I heard it's supposed to be quite windy."

Reid turned back with his lip quirked up.

"Thanks for the heads up sir."

* * *

_A/N 2: There really is a William Wallace day in late August._


	2. Inigo Montoya Said It Best

**Author's Note**: This takes place that same night Reid wore his kilt.

* * *

**Prompt Set #1**

Show: Entourage

Title Challenge: The Blue Balls Lagoon

* * *

**Inigo Montoya Said It Best**

Rossi squinted at the motorist standing next to the disabled car up ahead of him.

Was that . . . it was . . . Reid.

He huffed . . . in his kilt. Dave had been teaching over at the Academy all day so he hadn't seen it for himself. But Hotch had mentioned it to him when he got back to office. And at that point Reid had already left for the day.

Looks like he didn't get far though.

Hitting his directional, Rossi pulled off to the side of the road. Then he rolled down his window.

"Spencer!" He called out.

Reid spun around at the sound of Dave's voice.

Oh thank God!

He hurried over to the driver's side window, "Dave!"

Rossi peered out his front window as he asked rhetorically.

"Car trouble?"

"Yeah," Reid nodded vehemently as he rubbing his hands up and down his arms, "I called Triple AAA, but they said they're going to be a little while. And I uh, sorta, uh . . . kind of locked myself out of the car."

This was so embarrassing. The only thing worse than Dave coming along right now would have been Derek. But he was getting desperate, he was freezing.

Lips twitching, Dave's gaze dropped down to Reid's bare legs and the skirt flapping around them.

It had been an incredibly hot and muggy day and they were due for major thunderstorms. The temperature had already dropped and the wind had picked up.

The sky was probably going to open up any minute.

So raising his eyebrow, Rossi looked back up to Reid's face.

"So did you want to stand here on the side of the road freezing your ass off, or would you like to get in and wait?"

Reid's eyes crinkled at Dave's usually soft hearted approach.

"I'd like to get in please."

As he hurried around the front of the car to get in on the passenger side, Dave tipped his head. And once he'd dropped into the front seat he shivered.

"Brrr!"

And then . . . seeing Dave looking at his bare legs . . . he turned to him a little warily.

"Are you going to make fun of my kilt too?"

"Nope," Dave shook his head firmly, "Never make fun of a man's heritage."

He'd heard from Hotch and Emily that Reid had taken quite a bit of ribbing today already. The kid had some serious guts showing up dressed like that. He might not always be the most 'socially astute' of the group, but he still had to have known he was going to take some crap.

Reid smiled, "thanks Dave."

Rossi's eyes crinkled slightly as he looked him over appraisingly.

"It must be pretty chilly though."

Reid shook his head, "man, you have no idea. My balls are blue!"

Stunned, Rossi stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing.

"Kid," he chuckled, "uh, that phrase doesn't mean what you think it means."

Wrinkling his brow in confusion, Spencer looked across the front seat.

"It doesn't? But if your hands are blue it means their cold."

Damn. He hated when he got colloquial expressions wrong. That just made him look like a bigger geek.

Wiping the tears away from his eyes, Dave tipped his head as he looked back over in amusement.

"That is true." He cleared his throat, "but trust me, if your balls were blue, you would _not_ be allowed to sit on my new leather seats."

Now utterly perplexed, Reid stared back at him, "well what does that phrase mean?"

Rossi's eyes dropped back down to Spencer's bare legs.

"Uh," he shook his head slightly, "how about we have that conversation tomorrow when you have pants on?"

He knew Spencer got easily embarrassed, and he was NOT going to be the one to tell him the origins of that phrase.

With a scrunch of his brow, Spencer looked down at his legs and then over at Dave's bemused expression. He shook his head in confusion.

"I don't understand."

Damn . . . Rossi bit his lip . . . the kid wasn't taking no for an answer. So he stared at him for a moment, trying to think of a solution to this problem he did not want to deal with. And then a thought popped into his head.

He put his finger up.

"One second."

/*/*/*/*/*/

Emily looked down at her phone vibrating on her hip. Hotch glanced over.

"What is it?"

Furrowing her brow, she flipped it open.

"Um, text from Rossi . . . it says, hold on . . . '_tell Hotch I said ha!_'"

Frowning, she looked across the front seat.

"Honey, what does that mean?"

Hotch shrugged, "I have no idea," he said as he hit the directional and looking over his shoulder to change lanes.

And he was just about to tell Emily to write back, when his own phone began to ring. When he glanced down he saw that it was Spencer. So he passed the phone over to Emily.

"Reid. Can you talk to him please?"

They were coming up to their exit and he needed to pay attention to the road.

Emily put it to her ear with a smile, "hi Spencer. What's up?"

"Hey, Em. Is Hotch there?"

"Yeah, we're in the car, but we're coming up to the exit. Is there something that I could help you with?"

Reid bit his lip, "well, I don't know. Dave told me to call and ask Hotch what blue balls are. You don't happen to know do you?"

As he lips began to twitch, Emily pulled the phone away from her ear. Then she held it out for Hotch.

"Um, it's for you."

* * *

_A/N 2: The title. Inigo Montoya is of course Mandy Patinkin's character from The Princess Bride. And one of his best quotes from that was: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means."_

_I may get some additional Reid centered ideas so I'm leaving this story open for now.  
_


	3. Ahoy Ye Maties!

**Author's Note**: The third in my Reid based dialogue series. I'm having fun with these.

And with this one I have finally crossed off the last prompt on set #2. Yay! Yes, it's a rather pathetic thing to be proud of but, I still am :)

Thanks to Arc for her suggestion, it does read better that way :)

This takes place shortly after the kilt stories. Same universe.

* * *

Show: The Office

Title Challenge: Casual Friday

* * *

**Ahoy Ye Maties!**

"Now, what the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm going to a reading tonight Morgan!"

"A reading of what? Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Pirates of the . . . are you kidding me? That's not a BOOK Derek. It's a movie."

"Yeah kid, I know it's a movie. It's also a ride at Disneyland. But you know what I'm saying. What the hell are you wearing the bandana for?"

"It goes with my shirt."

"And the eye patch?"

"_Obviously_, that goes with my shirt as well. It's a reading of the works of Robert Louis Stevenson."

"There's no _way_ you cleared this one with Hotch."

"Okay, well, no I didn't. But I just changed two minutes ago. I have to be ready to go at 5 on the . . . oh hey Hotch."

"Spencer."

"I suppose you're wondering about my bandana?"

"Yes, yes I was wondering about your bandana. And I also don't believe that we have conducted target practice using that particular sidearm."

"Oh, you mean my sword."

"Yes, the sword is what caught my eye. Perhaps we could go up to my office to discuss it."

"HA, BUSTED!"

"Shut up Derek! Uh, Hotch, listen I can explain."

"Really? Because I'd love to hear it."

"Oh my GOD! You look ADORABLE! Is tonight your reading of Robert Louis Stevenson?"

"Uh, yes, Emily, actually it is tonight."

"Well, you look great! Aaron, are you ready to go? We're supposed to pick up Jack at 5:30."

"Actually Emily, Spencer and I were just going to . . ."

"Going to what?"

". . ."

"Aaron?"

"Uh, nothing, doesn't matter. Reid why don't you just leave for your thing, NOW."

"Yes sir. Thanks Hotch."

"Have a good time tonight hon!"

"Thanks Em."

"Good night Hotch."

"Good night Reid."

"You're so lucky Emily has him whipped."

"_What_ was that Derek?"

"I didn't say anything Hotch."

"Actually Hotch, he said, it's so lucky that Emil . . ."

"SHUT UP SPENCER!"

* * *

_A/N 2: Now I'm trying to think of other outfits to put Reid into. It really could be a whole series. Rather than ending on Morgan's "shut up Spencer" I could just open with Morgan's "now what the hell are you wearing?" That might be kind of funny._


End file.
